i can change your life.
aahh, honestly im never going to get away from any of this drama. ive never asked for it, its always brought upon me. and i hate this. i’ve done nothing and im being accused of everything. but for you to go to such lengths as to lying to make me sound worse? and for you to tell me you didnt mind that him and i spoke because thats what you wanted. so i do and you hate me for it? make up your mind please, because im tired of this. all of it. and this time im done trying to make it all better. i wont try to fix it. i’m done fixing this situation. you can make all the false threats you want, i know you’re all talk. all three of you. when you really come to talk to me, maybe ill change my mind on that last point. but right now, you’re all bullshitters to me.
i’m content with the way we are. no more no less. this is how it should always be, no ones getting hurt and its fun. natural. it doesnt matter that we’re not more than friends. i want to keep this relationship forever. and it wont happen if you leave next year. i want to ask you to stay, but that’s too selfish, plus you’re unhappy here. and the last thing i want ever is for you to be unhappy. no matter where you are i just want you to smile. even if it means i wont get to see you and we’ll grow distant. this feeling is always going to be there, im not bothering to get rid of it. because i dont mind. i dont want to miss that moment that comes if you ever decide to return these feelings. i said i wouldnt wait, yet here we are.
i’ve grown to love you, it was wrong to hate you ever. jealousy got the best of me in the past and i shouldnt have let it. what happened in the beginning was childish and it should never happen again. i’ve grown to love this friendship we’ve made and whats done is done. leave the past in the past. it wont be a part of our future ever again. i hate that i was close to one person and you were close to another and somewhere we switched. and we were close to each others people.
i dislike how distant we’ve all become. i hate how somewhere along the way we just stopped talking..how replacements were natural and happened all the time. it feels like we’ve all neglected each other on some level. how we can jump around and choose who want to be close to next. its a sickening thought, and i hate that its happened every month.
i’m not expecting anyone to take sides, that would be the worst thing to ask anyone to do. but you being my bestfriend and i being yours? you’re the only expectation i have, that you wont settle in between, sit on the fence, but you’ll come to my side. it would be a disappointment to see otherwise.
i want this summer to be one to remember, not like the other summers ive had. i want this one to be full of adventure and excitement, memories to be made and friendships that become stronger then ever. a summer that i’ll never forget. a summer with intimate moments, with laughter. a summer with full of events. late night conversations, early morning walks. everything we can think of, i want to do it all.
im so determined to make the rest of my years here worth it, i dont want to look back 5 years from now and say that my highschool experience and the person i was during it all was bad. i dont want to say that highschool was the worst years of my life, i want it to be good. happy. i dont want to regret anything that i did, said, or didnt do and say. i want to leave this place with nothing but good memories and cherished friendships. over all, i just want to be happy, through it all.
